The best part of sex, in my far-from-humble opinion, is the pleasure you can cause in your partner(s).
While being stimulated by your partner is certainly far better (for most people, if their partner’s any good at it) than masturbation, it is still pretty much the same, only better.
Going down on a lover, on the other hand, allows you to get a kind of pleasure that you cannot give yourself, even in part; the vicarious or empathic response you get from their reactions. The techniques here, therefore, are centered around cunnilingus, including (since there’s no separate name) using your fingers. Along a similar line I’ve now written Advanced Fellatio Techniques and Secrets. This was learned as a subject, not performer, but with the same quality of skill involved. Because of the number of questions I received on the subject, I also have Advanced Anal Sex Techniques, for those who want to know about that.
Basic Guidelines:
“Less” is always the best way to start out if you don’t know exactly what a specific person likes. It’s much safer to build up from “not enough” than to try to back down after shattering the mood by being too rough. The final argument to ensure that you always apply this rule is this — If you start out “too” gentle/slowly, in most cases this just excites your lover more, even in the rare cases that it frustrates her a little. But if you start out “too” rough for her, it almost always turns her off to the whole thing. The differences between women cannot be emphasized enough — no matter what you have encountered so far, always assume that you have no idea what a new partner enjoys. It is entirely
possible to have had many lovers, and think They are all pretty much the same or You’ve learned all of the variations, and can tell who’s what. But this can be (and usually is) just a matter of random chance…you happened to get several similar lovers.
Eventually you will run into someone, or many people, who are completely different than those you’ve known before. Don’t start by going down on her. Work your way up to it. Exceptions may be if you’re in a hurry before your Press Secretary shows up, or other situations where you’re expected to act more directly. It’s worth observing that “work your way up to it” remains true no matter how many times you’ve been with that lover. With a long-term lover it may seem like you can get right to the direct stuff, but working
your way up still has the same effect of increasing her excitement, with most women.
Along the same line of reasoning, don’t start licking her clitoris immediately, when you do get there.
Start with the area around it, which can be pretty sensitive with some women, even if it doesn’t seem to cause the same dramatic response. Even more important is to not immediately start inserting fingers in her vagina. With most women, that really needs to be built up, first. It usually doesn’t hurt to build up a little, even if she’s already excited. Remember this — Most often, the tongue works best with the clitoris, the fingers with the vagina/g-spot. Someone else’s fingers on her clitoris tends to be a little rough, no matter how careful they are…and almost all of the excitement she gets from attempting to lick into her vagina is psychological; she can’t really feel much that way.
Hand Care It’s best to be sure your fingernail edges are very smooth, and preferably cut all the way down to where they connect to your skin. No matter how careful you are, they are likely to cause her to get a little sore inside, or even really hurt, feeling like a knife cutting her. This can even be the cause of soreness that she doesn’t realize is being caused by your nails. Being a guitarist, I have the nails on my left hand trimmed back as far as I can cut them, anyway. Guitar also gives one’s fret-hand amazing endurance and finesse, for g-spot stimulation and other tricks. Dental Dams These are, in most cases, just plain silly. Unlike almost any other form of sexual activity, the odds of you transmitting or catching AIDS this way are almost zero. There are almost no cases of any female homosexuals, for instance, even /claiming/ to have caught AIDS this way. In case you’re wondering what the hell I’m talking about, a “dental dam” is simply a condom cut in half lengthwise and used to keep fluids from passing between mouth and vulva. And it’s being advocated primarily by people who are simply jealous that they’re missing out on a great chance to be a “victim” in the issue of sexually transmitted diseases.
Interesting note — A little noise on your part usually doesn’t hurt, and sometimes it helps. Some women are very hung up on cunnilingus, determined to believe that, no matter how much you say otherwise (and she claims to believe you), it may be at least a little unpleasant for you. If you’re excited by her responses, or by the act itself, don’t try to stay quiet about it. The same kind of sounds that will reassure and excite a lover when they’re pleasuring you will often work when you’re pleasuring them, too. This could be considered a secret weapon in sex in general, because most guys are rather quiet, and yet women almost always find responsiveness very exciting. The contrast between someone who’s responsive and most of the other guys makes it even more effective than it would already have been.
